Living a Real and Authentic Life - Finding My Identity

Recently in real life (IRL)  I have had a lot of focus again on identity and it caused me to reflect my identity journey that I wanted to share with you.

You don't just come out and voila a new identity exists. Let me explain.

An identity for me started with who am I? That is not as inconsequential as I make it sound.  I knew was different since 9 years old, I just thought for simplicity that I was a cross dresser for so many years. That was until the perception of dressing changed for me, and I suspect many cross dressers who ultimately discover they are Transgender instead.

All along even cross dressing you want to be as in alignment with the persona you are dressing as. For me of course that meant I wanted to be as feminine as possible. That meant you think about, observe, research how to be feminine. While this means that I went from clothes only to adding makeup very early in my cross dressing journey, I always borrowed what I needed, careful to wash, fold, and put back everything as required. It also meant that I started to think outside me and to the world around me, it invaded my thoughts day and night, dreams and fantasies.

In my case I started to imagine this feminine persona that was without a name,  would kind of women will I be? I identified as a very girlie girl and I believe I live up to that in both my professional and personal presentation today. This concept for me meant that my makeup, way I dressed, footwear I selected all were very stereotypical female. I wanted no confusion with the person I was to who I was in this persona.

That escalates to improve the way I dress,  my makeup skill, the way I moved until one day even if you add shoes (heels of course) and wigs to create a better presenting persona, it's not enough

It was around this time I started playing with names, I tried many in private during these times, but Cynthia is the one that resonated with me. Not a Cindy as I come to find out is short for Cynthia, I am Cynthia in that persona.

I have another post that explained the origin on the name, but in short form if you don't know, Once I knew what kind of women was I in this persona, I reflected on who did I know through my lifetime in real life, on TV, in the movies, books, etc. that reflected that girlie girl persona. I knew 3 girls growing up between early school in Ireland, my first Canadian classes in Transcona, and one in Elementary in Fort Rouge who were all called Cynthia. By my memory they were all Blond or very light colored hair (not me), but they were all very girlie girl. By chance once I arrived at that point and had a name of Cynthia, it was coincidence or at least not conscious to also be my Grand Mother's name who I never met on my dad's side of the family. My persona was called Cynthia.

This goes on for another few years, all in private, escaping from reality just long enough to let Cynthia out for a little while before putting everything including that persona away again. The times between needing to dress and let Cynthia out escalated until what it seems became a pinnacle moment for Cynthia, a cross dressers wish fulfilled, a costume party on Halloween. End result is that effort to prepare and let Cynthia out was the catalyst for many events that lead to Cynthia's coming out to live my life for real. Thats when many of you found out about me.

Sometime through this I found out that my parents had selected a first name for me if I was born with female genitalia, that is what they were expecting. Better late than never! I was to be called Alison.

I was never ashamed of my family name, many transgender folks change even their last name to have a whole new life not connected with their old life. Professional and Personally everyone knew me, so this wasn't about to be a quiet transition in the background with this new girl showing up one day, I felt that I had to be open as that is who I am. So it was that Cynthia Alison Fortlage became my chosen name.

So what does it take to change your name and legal identity?

1) Since I had a new address, I had to get my own MB Health Card - Cost Free except for parking and time.

2) Due to address change update drivers license - $10

3) Get forms from Vital statistics website to change your name and gender marker; separate forms and application processes and costs - $260

4) Steps I went through in completing forms for Vital Statistics
- In order to complete forms 5 Dr visits required - assessment and intake re gender dysphoria, end result is they legally sign off you need this to happen - Positive outcome is I got access to HRT after assessment - forms completion cost $70
- You need to be finger printed and put into and checked against national databases - $75
- Gather copies of all documents related to who you were in Manitoba: Health, Drivers, Marriage

WAIT 6 WEEKS (They were fast by almost 4 weeks)

5) When certificates are received in the mail, cry for a while seeing that your province accepts you

6) Go back and change MB Health

7) Get drivers license updated, including new photo - $10

8) Go get Social Insurance Number name updated

9) Call CRA hotline to update your name

10) Update bank, credit card, financial records

11) Change any online profiles that need official documentation to issue a name change, there's LOTS of them. Still ongoing.

12) Start process with Immigration Canada to change name, same form for gender change.
- Medical sign off again - form completion costs $70
- passport like photo's - $12
- Legal costs to certify copies of paperwork as I wasn't born in Canada - $450
- Surrender every piece of paper that says your Canadian - SCARY
- Send paperwork back and forth via courier so it doesn't get lost - $100
- Application Processing Fee - $75

WAIT 4 MONTHS (I was able to get them to hurry it up by 1 month as I requested it in order to travel for business which was planned for April but I have now cancelled - another story)

13) When certificate arrives in the mail, cry for a while seeing that your country accepts you

14) Start Process to Apply for Passport
- Pictures - $12
- Friends to be references and Declare you - Priceless
- Apply for 10yr Passport - $160

14) Wait 10 Business Days for new passport, I might cry again

So 10 Months in, a fair bit of time & parking costs and at just over $1200 by my estimation of hard costs, I have paperwork that agrees with me , I am Cynthia Alison Fortlage

BTW, When I get my passport I can start to update my travel programs with Hotels, Airlines, Car Rental firms, etc. and with the US Government and my Nexus card which will cost $25 CDN to get a new card issued with my name and picture updated.

That's what it takes to get your new identity!

Living a Real and Authentic LIfe - Business Meeting

This past week I was in a meeting and experienced a man looking at my cleavage not my eyes when talking to me.

What did I do, same as every other women, kept quiet, tried to ignore how uncomfortable it made me feel, and carried on as if I hadn't just been seen as an object instead of a person.

I wish I said something . .  Next time I have to . .

All these issues that women have gotten used to and learnt to accept/ignore, they hit me hard because it is such a contrast to what I knew.

If I was ever perceived as one of those people, I am sorry!

Living a Real and Authentic LIfe - an explanation

So I will start posting experiences here that help you understand the experiences I encounter, it will also serve to be a place to remember these experiences for me as each and every day is an adventure.

For others transitioning or considering transition I hope they help you prepare for the most amazing journey of your life.

💋 Cynthia

International Women's Day #BeBoldForChange #IWD2017

International Women’s Day -  March 8, 2017

#IWD2017  #BeBoldForChange

Hi My Name is Cynthia, and I am a women!

I also happen to be Transgender. We will talk about me a little later.

My question for you today is: Are you ready to be Be Bold For Change?

Back in January 2017 at the Women’s March on Washington held here in Winnipeg I shared these words:

“I could spend the next 5 minutes telling you why Transgender women are women; and women’s issues affect all of us.  Instead I challenge us all to take a stand and support the rights of ALL women.

I choose to not spend time trying to convince you we are all women because that only perpetuates the labelling of us – dividing already marginalized communities whether it be by gender, gender identity, race, ability, religious belief’s, political affiliations, sexual orientations, and body image.

Remember those that wish to divide us, only do so to conquer us . . .”

So how do we stand together and Be Bold For Change?

To answer that question I want to share with you a very personal moment from a conversation with my gender therapist early in my transition journey from about this time last year . . . I have edited the conversation for the sake of time today, it was actually an hour long discussion

My Therapist asked me “Are you a feminist?”

I responded with “I don t know, what is a feminist?”

My Therapist responded with this summarized definition that over time the perception of a Feminist has changed, from burning bra’s, free love, militaristic behaviour, to today’s Feminist, which simply defined, believe in equality for all.

And I responded with  “Oh!!”

Yes, I am a Feminist, because I believe in equality

It was so impactful for me, but as they say you just had to be there to experience that moment with me to understand the Ah Ha moment I had just experienced.

Do you know what an Ah Ha moment is?

Of course you do! Your students and as you learn you make sense of many things your teachers share and when they connect in a profound way your learning becomes more real, not just memorizing, but now it’s experiential.

So I am saying if you believe in this definition I just shared with you that you should be a Feminist? Is that the Be Bold For Change I am talking about?

No.

If we truly believe that being a feminist is as simple as it takes being bold then why are you here listening to me, because we know that this world does not simply allow equality for all.

Look at the folks around you,

Look behind you,

Look on the left side of the room,

Look on the right side of the room,

And look in front of you

What do you see? Differences?

Maybe you are truly enlightened and what you see are other human beings?

So A little about me

I was a Father – I am a Parent

I was Married – I am Separated

I was a Brother – I am a Sister

I was a Son – I am a Daughter

The one thing that never changed during my transition is that I am still a Human Being!

Here are first 3 paragraphs of my coming out letter that I wrote in 2016 to my friends, colleagues, and family.  In it, I acknowledge that understanding will be difficult for some people, for some I now know it may be impossible.

“I am about to share some personal information with you and although I do want to be up front with everybody that I work with, some of you might think that this information is a joke.  I assure you it is not.  Comprehending this information, in fact, may take considerable patience, understanding and compassion.  I expect that some of you will require a longer time to fully process this, as it is not a minor issue like a haircut or a bit of nail polish.

I am transgender.  Specifically, I am male-to-female transsexual. I have been aware of being different most of my life, but only came to a realization in the last few years that it had a name and the extent to which I felt like this. This has caused me an almost inexpressible degree of personal grief and confusion.

After many decades of struggling with my gender identify, I have finally come to grips with who I am.  I have been in therapy since the beginning of 2016 and it has become very clear to me that I cannot continue with the status quo in regards to my life without creating a union between my body and my spirit (for lack of a better analogy, my mind, heart and soul to not coincide with the physical body that I was born with).”

Transitioning my gender I consider the 3^rd major transition in my life;

The first major transition was I was 6 years old living in Belfast, Northern Ireland, sometimes called bang city because of all the bomb explosions that occurred in downtown Belfast due to religious strife between Catholics and Protestants.

My father being English refused to be told who to be friends with and was friends with a wide variety of people. As I now understand too wide a variety as 3 men in black masks appeared on my parents door step to warn my father to stop being friends with the wrong people or else . . .

30 days later at 6 years old I was living in Canada with no idea why, so I transitioned to become a Canadian!

* 2^nd Transition *

My 2^nd major transition happened many years later after meeting what I thought was the women of my dreams, we got married and I choose to become a Roman Catholic, not something normally done for an Irish Protestant. I even taught catechism.

I never told my parents out of fear because of their experiences in Ireland, until one time they attended Christmas service and I got up to serve Mass. After they asked me, don’t you need to be Catholic to serve Mass?

I responded Yes and so my parents who faced the threat of violence in Ireland saw their child go through the 2^nd major transition of my life, changing religions.

And now my gender . . .

Timeline:

- 41 yrs in the making, since 9 yrs old, I am a late bloomer compared to many others who @ 4-6yrs old know.

- 3 Big things in life that caused me to confront my gender identity 

--> Hitting 50 yrs old

--> Last child leaving high school, no longer know as my childs parent, who am I?

--> Maximized Living seeking a deep reason to be healthy for myself

- 2 yrs ago major changes - Pandora (AKA Cynthia) no longer able to kept in her box in my head

--> Struggling to deal with my thoughts

Halloween 2015 - Cynthia had her first outing at friend’s son's wedding social

Halloween 2016 - I was living full time as Cynthia

Family:

Son - 23 yrs - longest to meet me - 30 seconds and he was OK

Daughter - 19 yrs – active in the 2STLBGQ* community in high school - Different when it's your dad

Wife - 31 yrs married, we are divorcing. I hope one day we can be friends.

So what about that Be Bold For Change?

Do you remember when I asked you to look around?

I asked What do you see? Strangers? People Different from you? Queers?

Or Maybe you are truly enlightened and what you see are other human beings?

So if Feminism allows us to see each other equally as Human Beings, is that being bold?

No, but I believe that Acceptance without Understanding is being Bold.

In that concept of equality for all (human rights for all) it beg’s the question, do you need to have understanding of me as a human being and the life journey I am on in order to define if I qualify for human rights?

Is that any different when we see human beings with a skin of a different color? Or from another country, different religion, different gender, or of Indigenous origin?

Reality is that if you consider yourself a human being you are already accepting, while I suspect most of you don't understand, that’s OK and your not alone.

When I talk about acceptance, I am not asking you to accept whatever you perceive as my lifestyle. I am simply asking you to accept me as a human being.

Accept that as a human being my life journey takes me on a path, just as yours takes you on your life path. I ask that you accept that I am following my path.

I am not asking you to accept that I decided this, because as you will learn, being Transgender is not a choice. Would you choose to risk losing EVERYTHING (loved ones, family, friends, home, career, finances) just to be transgender? We have not decided to risk it all, our life journeys have taken us on this path. We could continue to deny who we are in the many ways it manifests itself, but the unprecedented high double-digit suicide rate in all age categories is but one result of not following this life journey we are given.

For some people they will never understand and that's OK, because some days I am not sure I do. That’s why we use mental health professional’s who do not pass judgement on us, but help us unpack this journey so we can accept ourselves without the prejudice of understanding.

The reality is that you may never understand other human beings.

And that's OK, because I am not asking why me, I am moving forward with the life journey I am on because moving forward is the only way we can go.

So Be Bold and please accept ALL of us without understanding

Press Release - MITT_International Women's Day Celebration 2017

MEDIA RELEASE

Celebrate women and ‘be bold for change’

In celebration of International Women’s Day, transgender executive to discuss
equality with MITT students, faculty, and staff

March 8, 2017

It’s been just over a year since Cynthia Fortlage began her new life as a woman. Today, she is sharing her journey with students, faculty and staff at the Manitoba Institute of Trades and Technology (MITT) as part of International Women’s Day 2017, which is themed: Be Bold For Change.

Her message is simple.

“This is not just about someone who is transgender; it also pertains to people of different religions, cultures, refugees,” says Fortlage, who is an international award-winning information technology executive with Winnipeg-based customs brokerage firm, GHY. “What society needs to do is accept us and understand that we are human beings.”

Student members of MITT’s Women in Trades and Technology (WITT) group organized the event. In addition to inviting Fortlage to speak, they created buttons with the help of MITT’s Graphic and Print Technician program. Available for a minimum donation of $1, proceeds of the button sales will go to United Way Winnipeg in support of programs benefitting women in the community. As a show of support, all members of MITT’s campus community have also been encouraged to wear purple – the official colour of International Women’s Day.  

“Our WITT members took this project on in their own time, outside of their studies,” says Liz Choi, Vice-President of Students and Strategic Partnerships at MITT. “We are so proud of their initiative and this event they have put together for the benefit of our entire campus community.”

Formed in fall 2015, The Women in Trades and Technology group invites women in the various programs at MITT to meet, connect with one another, and further develop skills that employers are looking for.

When: March 8, 2017, 11:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m.
Where: MITT Deltas, far north side of 130 Henlow Bay campus

Event contact:

Jeremy Brooks, Manager of Public Relations
Office: 204-989-2874 Mobile: 204-806-4491
Email: jeremy.brooks@mitt.ca

About MITT

MITT provides innovative pathways to quality high school, post-secondary education, and apprenticeship training in partnership with industry and the communities we serve. MITT is dedicated to ensuring its graduates successfully transition to employment or further post-secondary education.

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